Soon ill be 30 years old…

Once I was seven years old….

Do you ever find yourself telling stories about the past and always referring to your former self as a certain age? I do. For me anything that happened to me as a kid happened when I was seven… 

It didn’t of course it’s just the age that’s stuck in my head.

The fact that I can use some of the words from Lukas Graham’s song 7 Years is just a bonus…

I guess it’s because when you are seven, things are starting to change, you are starting to grow out of your kid and baby phase and slowly taking more notice of the world around you.

Once I was seven years old and living with my Mumma. Just the two of us.

There’s a large age gap between my brother, sister and I; they both left home reasonably young and combined with divorced parents… it was just us – Apart from on weekends when I would go to stay with my Dad.

Mumma and I lived in the Adelaide Hills, funnily enough on an actual hill. At the top lived my Grandparents, half way down lived my Aunty & Uncle and there we were at the bottom.

Having my family so close just seemed like the norm to me, I assumed everyone lived this way… it wasn’t until I got a little older that I realized how lucky I was. My Nanny and Papa were the epitome of what grandparents should be, they really were like my second parents.

We had no fences, no house numbers (Houses in the hills used Lot Numbers to tell them apart), no mail boxes and a school with a total of 80 kids. Everyone knew everyone and it was amazing.

Once I was seven years old and each and every day I was told just how much I was loved and could do anything I set my mind too. (That probably explains a lot about my quirky and smugly over confident personality now days) 

Whatever the reason, I was happy.

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Check out that leg and hand tan… not sure how I pulled that one off….

Once I was eleven years old…

At age 11 I became an Aunty for the first time – I was no longer the baby of our family but I didn’t mind at all. This precious boy came into our lives and changed it forever. I think this is the first time I realised that love at first sight really does exist. 

I was lucky enough to experience this feeling 4 more times over the years.

When I was in high school Mum and I decided to pack up and move down the hill into the burbs. While it was sad leaving a house I had lived in my whole life, a house that was originally built by my Great Grandparents and been in our family for over 90 years…. it was time.

I am one of the lucky ones who absolutely loved high school, coming from a small primary school meant that we pretty much all carried on to the same high school. I had friends instantly.

I still made new ones of course, I remember sitting in the Gym on the first day waiting to be given our home groups and I met a girl, I said hello and introduced myself.

That girl ended up being in my class and is still one of my best friends to this day. 16 years later.

In fact I still see most of my friends from high school, we didn’t seem to get the memo that friendship groups tend to disintegrate after school ends. 

This core group of seven girls are not just my friends they are my family. We have been through a fucking shit load in those 16 years and lucky for me the friendship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon. As we start to marry off and have babies of our own our friendship is evolving, just like it should.

Again I was happy.

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With my Mum and Sister, and yes I was wearing a bindi sticker on my forehead…. which was the style at the time.

Once I was 20 years old…

I had finished school and was wondering what to do next. I decided to study Human Resources while working at Coles to support myself.

I fairly much hated the checkout but I loved the girls I worked with…. Except one. My boss was a bit of a douche and I wanted to avoid her as much as possible (I am told the feeling was mutual). Until I received a promotion that made us work extremely closely each and every day. We soon discovered that we had come from the same spirit animal and very soon became inseparable.

I didn’t realise it at the time but this friendship would lead me to become a surrogate member of her family and pretty soon I had 4 other sisters who are slightly wacky and a little nutty (just the way I like my friends hehe), they are the kind of people who would give you the last $10 in their pocket.

Every triumph and every fuck up I’ve had in the past few years these girls have been there, firstly to laugh at me….then to pick me up, dust me off and fill my champagne glass.

They have saved me from myself more times than I can count.

I finished my study and got my dream job. I had everything I had ever wanted at 24 years old.  As it turned out I had wanted all the wrong things.

So one day I came back from my lunch break and quit. I had no job to go to, no plans, I had no idea what I was going to do but I did know that whatever my future was, it wasn’t this. I would rather go back to Coles than work in a job I hate just because it gives me a steady pay check.

This lead to a stream of different career paths all in completely different directions.

I got a bunch of admin jobs. I worked at Spotlight for a while. I started a nursing degree at Uni. I did a floristry course and opened (and closed) my own business with my sister. I started studying Counselling and currently still do while working for a Fabric House to pay the bills and buy all the pretties I can get my hands on.

Sometimes I get pissed at myself that I didn’t just stick to one job, if I did I could be quite comfortable right now. It’s not that I never had a clear dream or goal, I just had too many. I wanted to do a bunch of things.

I guess from that perspective I have achieved my goal, I have indeed done a bunch of things…. Let’s hope this one sticks eh?

It was also around this time that I first discovered what sadness feels like, raw, real, heart breaking sadness.

I guess I should be grateful I made it this far…

One Sunday afternoon my Mumma had a seizure and was rushed to hospital. Instead of sitting around for hours in the standard waiting room we were given our own private one with a private nurse to talk things over with us. Everyone knows that the private room is for when shits about to get real, and it did.

The seizure had been caused by a brain tumour, obviously this is less than a desirable object to be in one’s brain and it needed to go…

We did have one little win, it was benign (Not Cancerous) but still, this is brain surgery we are talking about here. 

I was just a kid, I had never experienced anything like this before and even to this day it still one of the scariest times of my life. 

I’ll never forget watching my Mumma being wheeled into the operating theatre, not knowing how things would turn out. Your heart hurts, you get giant lumps in your throat that make swallowing impossible – you’d give anything to never know that this feeling even exists.

Everything went well of course, don’t get me wrong it was still a hard road of recovery ahead but we got there. My Sister, brother and I banded together as a family as did what needed to be done.

Everything seemed to be going along ok for a while until it happened again. This time the tumour was wrapped around her optic nerve. Once again it was benign, once again she had major surgery, once again she had to recover and once again we banded together.

You do not know how strong you are until you are faced with something as confronting as this, but it’s there and should you ever need it you will amaze yourself with just how much strength runs through your veins. 

A few years later I had my own medical drama to deal with, I was diagnosed with MS.  I am still surprised at how well I handled the news and life since that fact. I won’t go into it too much as I have many times before. You can read about it here.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom during this time, in my mid 20’s I fell in love. 

For the first time in my life I had someone who shared my life goals and ideals. We fell pretty quickly and moved in together not long after. We shared a home, 4 dogs (Yes 4, we are both crazy dog people) and made a life together.

You all know how this story ends, it didn’t work out… but that doesn’t disregard what we had. It was true and real and I consider myself lucky I got to experience it.

I had my ups and downs but for the most part, I was happy.

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School jumper out of school hours, acrylic claws nails, questionable hair….. But this is my Nanny!

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As awful as this photo is it makes me laugh, it pretty much sums up my early 20’s…. As much cleavage as possible, borderline nip showing, fallen over in a champagne fuelled haze… All it needs is a cigarette, which Im pretty sure I dropped in the fall… #ClassyLassy

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My hair got considerably better…

Soon I’ll be 30 years old…

It’s easy to look back to and see where I could have done things differently, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t a few. 

I may not be exactly where I thought I would be at 30. I do not own my own home, I am not in my chosen career, I am not married nor do I have children.

Truthfully the last 12 months of my life have been a bit of a tornado and its only starting to slow down now.
But here’s the thing, despite not being in my desired place in life I am happy. I am happy within myself and the direction my life is going. I may not have it all figured out but do you know what that means? The best is yet to come, that’s pretty exciting if you ask me.

I have learnt many lessons during my short 30 years, far too many to go through in one (albeit very long!) blog post.

The main thing I have learnt about myself is that I have guts. I will risk everything to gain everything and if something doesn’t feel right I will change my entire life until it does. 

I have learnt what my hearts inner voice sounds like and how to listen to it when it is trying to tell me something. Most of the time anyway.

I have a wonderful family who love and support me and a Mumma who looks after me and takes care of me more than she probably should.

I have people who love me very much, as I do them.

I have 2 beautiful dogs who make me smile just by looking at them, they are my children, I don’t care what anyone says they so are!

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My make up skills also got considerably better…

Soon I’ll be 30 years old and I am celebrating it with many a cocktail in Bali with a friend I met while working at Spotlight and then again at home with my family and friends.

Soon I’ll be 30 years old and can’t wait to see what my future has in store for me.

Soon I’ll be 30 years old… and I consider myself very lucky.

xo

 

 

BTW August 25th incase you want to put it in your diary… hehe

Now if I have done my job right you should have that 7 Years song stuck in your head right about now…

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